I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
