I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
