is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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