He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
