home. puking in laundry basket.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
