I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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