Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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