I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
