i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
