May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
