well I can't set my house on fire every night
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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