I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
