you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
