She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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