We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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