So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
