i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
