Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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