eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
