just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
