I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
