A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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