well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
