Swine flu. Run for my life!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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