I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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