Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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