Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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