i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
