So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
