oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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