the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
