This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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