I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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