So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
