maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Randomize
