I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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