Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
