Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
