This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
