1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
