I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm always down for nudity.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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