Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
