so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
