I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
