I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Found the puke drawer
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
