the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
