It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
