i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Farmville is her only friend.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
