I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
