The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
