ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
